Is Healing Meant to Hurt?

You know, there's something about healing that they don't tell you... They don't tell you that choosing yourself also means crying every night (and day) for four months straight. They don't tell you selflove means completely letting go of certain ideas or visions you had in your mind about how your life was supposed to go. They don't tell you finally picking yourself means letting people go and allowing them to chose what makes them happy, even if they don't choose you. They don't tell you the amount of grief it comes with in removing all the beautiful memories, deleting all the cute pictures and removing all sources of contact, they don't tell you it's long lonely nights and long tired days filled with pretense and acting like you're okay but deep down you just want time to stop and wait for you to feel better because sometimes everything moves too quickly. They don't tell you it means having no one to tell when you bought your favorite cereal or you saw a cloud that looks like a flower. No one told me it meant that even if I saturate myself with self love and all the gifts that I want and could give myself, it doesn't compare to the feeling I feel when I hand you a gift you never expected because for some odd reason, no one was ever this nice to you before. And for goodness sake, why didn't they tell me it meant that I would feel free for like a month and then one random weekend in August I'd feel l 1/3rd of my heart is missing? Why didn't they tell me that I'd have to convince myself I'm enough but for some reason I was never enough for you? Why didn't they tell me that I'd spend 4 months yelling at God to take the pain and feelings away and they'd still remain, 4 months later, even more potent that before... Why didn't they tell me that healing is meant to hurt?..