Be Patient With Me.

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I was broken. No, really. I was. There was a time when my life was literally hell on earth, a time where all I could think of was "Is Jesus coming today or tomorrow, because I'm honestly tired." I was the type of person who people were afraid to talk to, the type people would rather stay away from because I wasn't a vibe. I was easily upset, I didn't want anyone around me, I thought I could live without friends, all because the problems I had with me made me feel like I didn't deserve the love that people were trying to give me. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems.

Of course I wasn't always like that. I was a "joyful" person. I loved people, I always wanted to be around people, but one experience I will never forget in highschool, changed my outlook on life. It narrowed my perspective and downplayed my positive emotions about myself. I started surviving instead of living. I didn't realize it then but as I grew older and studied the events of my life more, trying to find out "what was wrong with me" I realized I had been mentally/emotionally abused.

Emotional abuse is kind of like physical abuse, but think of all that violence, but on the mind. Let me give you a clearer picture. Say you've seen a case on the news of someone being beaten until their body is swollen, their eyes can't open, every part of their body is bleeding, that's what emotional abusers do to your mind. And with constant action of such abuse, it ruins you, your lifestyle, your productivity, it just ruins you. 

Most often than not, emotional abuse is down played. There are some people out there who think it's "not a real thing" or who think "you need to get over it, you're just sensitive." But I know I have some friends who have been through the most gruesome emotional and some physical abuse, and it changed them for the worst. The worst part is when you know how happy that person was, and they suddenly become this grim, lifeless being. 

To anyone going through it right now, or who has been through it, any abuse really, or even any depression or anxiety episodes, I just want to tell you you are a strong person. You have the ability to build yourself up again. There is no shame in asking for help, none of your real friends will judge you for that. Please please PLEASE keep going, and remember that God loves you so so much. 1 Peter 5:7 says "Cast your cares on him, because he cares for you."

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