Can You Relate?

You know, there's something about healing that they don't tell you... They don't tell you that choosing yourself also means crying every night (and day) for four months straight. They don't tell you selflove means completely letting go of certain ideas or visions you had in your mind about how your life was supposed to go. They don't tell you finally picking yourself means letting people go and allowing them to chose what makes them happy, even if they don't choose you. They don't tell you the amount of grief it comes with in removing all the beautiful memories, deleting all the cute pictures and removing all sources of contact, they don't tell you it's long lonely nights and long tired days filled with pretense and acting like you're okay but deep down you just want time to stop and wait for you to feel better because sometimes everything moves too quickly. They don't tell you it means having no one to tell when you bought your favorite cere...

I’ve always been a night person. I always thought all the fun happens at night and that’s the time when all the vibes are the best and all the enjoyment happens, right? There’s nothing like a 2am conversation or a nighttime drive or a good night out.   However, the first time I saw a sunrise changed my love for the night forever. The very first time I was told about the beauty of sunrises, I was so skeptical. The first off putting thing was having to wake up EXTRA early JUST to see the sun go up. Now, it didn’t make sense to me because, as an avid sunset watcher, I didn’t think they’d be much of a difference in the sunset compared to the sunrise.  Every morning person I’d meet would coax me, time and time again, into watching the sunrise. “It just hits different”, “It’s something you’ve never seen before”, “It’s a life changing experience”. I felt like they were all exaggerating. And in my opinion, sunsets were just better.  I’d always have trouble waking up as well, so s...

Yeah, I said it. I'm that toxic person that you read about on Insta, the one that people tell you never to second guess cutting off "for the sake of your mental health." Today is the day I'm calling myself out. Scary, I know. Well, lemme not take up a lot of your time and just come right out and say it. Sometimes, when it comes to friendship, I stink. Most of the friend relationships I've had, past high school, have been absolute trash. And apparently, these moments in college are supposedly the best and crucial times to make meaningful friendships. Go figure. But let's get back to me. I'm about to roast myself right now, of course not for your entertainment, but for the mere fact that sometimes, maybe, JUST MAYBE, I suck. Shall we gauge my friendship skills on the famous love chapter in the bible, Corinthians 13? It seems like a befitting chapter of judgement of character to me. I'll use some points that address what I believe are my weakest points in...

"Being single sucks"... Right? Well no.. Maybe.. Okay sometimes. I know it gets "lonely", or you want that feeling of being "in love" but sometimes, you need to be single in order to really be in love. Let me elaborate a little bit. See, a toxic trait about me is that I'm the type of person who dreams about a magical future with every man that confesses their "love" to me. You could call me..... an "attention seeker"? I guess. I crave the feeling of being adorned. No... The feeling of being loved by someone else who I see fit for myself. Sad. I know. But you see, I'm trying not too be the "self centered ingrate" I was in the past. You see, the thing is, I'm not really self centered. No. I just never used to love myself. I know, it sounds dumb, but I personally really didn't. Because if I really did, I wouldn't have throw myself at the first guy who fell at my feet, offering me the littlest part of his hea...

I know I'm pretty. I know I'm beautiful. I know my body looks good. Trust me, I know. However, there was a time in my life where I didn't realize I was, and I would rather look for people to reassure me of my beauty, no matter what it would take. I guess you could say I had a thirst for compliments, and I would eat them up from whoever spat them out. Be it about my body, about my chubby cheeks, or my eyes, I would just get filled up with all these compliments but, somehow, they would pass through one ear, my brain would deny them, and be pushed out the other. I was so in denial of my beauty because at the time, not many people would notice it, and it started to cause me to do weird things just to be noticed. I would maybe put on a little more make up, dress in really short things or wear flashy things, just really weird things just so I could get noticed and be reminded that I was "hot" or "gorgeous", not realizing those compliments were demoralizing m...

I was broken. No, really. I was. There was a time when my life was literally hell on earth, a time where all I could think of was "Is Jesus coming today or tomorrow, because I'm honestly tired." I was the type of person who people were afraid to talk to, the type people would rather stay away from because I wasn't a vibe. I was easily upset, I didn't want anyone around me, I thought I could live without friends, all because the problems I had with me made me feel like I didn't deserve the love that people were trying to give me. I didn't want to burden anyone with my problems. Of course I wasn't always like that. I was a "joyful" person. I loved people, I always wanted to be around people, but one experience I will never forget in highschool, changed my outlook on life. It narrowed my perspective and downplayed my positive emotions about myself. I started surviving instead of living. I didn't realize it then but as I grew older and st...